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3/25/1999
EAR PLUGS
“An unqualified artistic success,
an unparalleled financial disaster.”
Frederick Noble
I’d like to thank Poor Little Fools, Greta Lee, and The Chillbillys for
their performances. All three bands had to drive back from distant lands to
get to the gig and their contribution is very much appreciated.
I’d also like to thank the three or four subscribers that showed up. Your
participation in the non-virtual exploits of this effort is the real reason
we do this.
I’d also like to thank folks like The Ditchdiggers who couldn’t make
it in person but sent contributions anyway!
I will not thank the Academy.
Enough thankfulness, on to the bitching and whining!
Your editor has been suffering the third month of his personal Year of Bad Timing.
We didn’t think to check way back at the end of January when the Star Bar
offered to give us March 21 to see if something like, say, the fuckin’
Oscars might interfere with our otherwise well-laid plans. Nor did I take into
account that anyone CARED! How on earth anyone can sit in front of a TV listening
to celebrities blather on about how great they are is beyond me, but apparently
a large portion of even Degenerate Press’ viewing audience would rather
do that than see artists actually performing.
Feh.
Anyhow, we have bumper stickers for sale, $1 if you come get it, $2 if we gotta
mail it.
As you may have heard, I skipped a bunch of work to get those massive site improvements
and the benefit didn’t even cover the expenses of the benefit itself, so
if you need some award-winning metal sculpture and furnishings for your swell
pad swing by and get a steal of a deal! Heck, make us an offer on ANYthing around
here and it could be yours, if the price is right...
Enough bitching and whining, on with the show!
I showed up early to help set up the joint, only to find the joint closed. I
cruised across to The Point and checked out the South Park pinball machine -
cute - and lurked around until the Star Bar opened. Eventually a few folks trickled
in and look surprised that there was a show. I think they were the few outcast
freaks that won’t watch the Oscars, but they were willing to pay the $5
to get away.
Poor Little Fools took the stage early, as the bass player had a plane to catch.
Your editor presented them with a little bald guy award for Best Rockabilly
Movie of 1998 before they starting playing. They did their usual smooth rockabilly
set with a twist of lounge and had everyone’s toes tapping.
Greta Lee received the award for Best Female Performance in a Country Band before
kicking off a set of genuine ol-school country. Despite having driven back from
Savannah to get their, they were fabulous.
A bunch of masked desperadoes took the stage, with a monkey on the drum set
made of plastic jugs, and received the award for Best Costumes in a Rag Tag
Local Conglomeration of a Band. The Chillbillys includes just about every Star
Bar regular that could be found doing the weirdest series of covers in the weirdest
fashion imaginable - my personal fave was the surreal Westernized “Wreck
of the Edmunds Fitzgerald” sung my Mike Geier. He’d lost his mask
hand used a paper-covered coathanger with two holes punched in it for a substitute.
It was truly hilarious, even more so when they did a Deacon Lunchbox/Brak/Screamin’
Jay Hawkins style cover of Truckadelic’s “All Fucked Up.”
I knew it would be a long show when random Chillbillys kept saying “Lick
my plate, ya’ dog dick!” between every song, until finally someone
looked confused enough for the band to say “What, ain’t you never
seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre II?” They continued to Texas Chainsaw Massacre
a variety of tunes until after 2 AM, ample entertainment for a measely $5.
So, again, thanks for all who participated, screw the rest of you, and we’ll
make a parting shot before we skip the country this weekend.
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