Excerpts from Electric Degeneration, Degenerate Press' semi-weekly e-zine, free and ad-free. A full episode contains sections for music reviews, upcoming events, blasphemy, classifieds, and anything else we feel like saying. If you'd like to subscribe just contact us.
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5/20/1999
INFRASTRUCTURE
Degenerate Press' Annual Backwoods Barbecue, Beer and Bands Bash is shaping
up bit by bit. I'd like to thank Danny Mudcat, The Ditchdiggers, and Ultrababyfat
for agreeing to play!!!
In the spirit of the bash here’s a little appetiser from degenerate RVI:
Country Cupboard Slut
She was perched menacingly atop the cigarette cases, a harpy in a
halter-top, hair hennaed red as the whites of a long-haul trucker's
eyes. She fixed me in her hateful gaze while talking to the cashier -
her mouth sentenced to perpetually working over a cud of gum.
Mechanical, vicious, raised on Def Leopard and Lynard Skynard in equal
parts, she is prepared to drink your silly ass under the table and leave
you without pride or wallet by morning. For perfume her breath was
strong as tobacco and diesel, and gasoline vapors clung to her blue jean
shorts, the ones with the obligatory rebel flag on the back pocket.
And since it’s finally the season for it I’m looking for suggestions for a date for the opening ceremonies at the Temple of the River God. Unfortunately there’s a lot going on this spring. Bubbapalooza for Memorial Day weekend, a lot of degenerates in Vegas the weekend after. Ideas?
We make it a rule NEVER to read the absolutely amazine amount of CRAP people
forward. From bogus virus warnings to bogus cookie recipies to bogus stories
of free beer to just about anything you can come up with we will NOT read the
stuff.
But a trusted degenerate cleaned out all the forwarded addresses and stuff and
sent us something and we accidentally read it and decided to break our other
rule of rarely posting such stuff in this broadcast. But timing is everything
so here’s your rare dose of fowarded stuff you may have already gotten:
You might be a Redneck Jedi if...
You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.
At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.
The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
Wookies are offended by your B.O.
You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark
side...it'll be a hoot."
You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.
You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.
You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in
through the window..
You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.
You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina
scene.
You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't
have to wait for a commercial.
You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock
thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.
Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had
a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
If you hear, "Luke, I am your father and your uncle."
Meanwhile, we finally got the finishing touches on the Italy tale online so
if you were too lazy to read it before or just want to see the illustrated version
check out http://www.degeneratepress.com/travel/italy99.htm
Take me to Degenerate Press' home page!
There's no place like home... no place like home...
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