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ok, so we meant to stuff yer stocking on Consumass eve but in all the
holiday furor, things got neglected. So here's a lump of coal for ya:

Joe Strummer passed away last weekend. Merry fuckin' Christmas.
So here's a (sadly) timely Clash tune for ya':

What are we gonna do now?
Taking off his turban, they said, is this man a Jew?
'Cause they're working for the clampdown
They put up a poster saying we earn more than you!
When we're working for the clampdown
We will teach our twisted speech
To the young believers
We will train our blue-eyed men
To be young believers

The judge said five to ten-but I say double that again
I'm not working for the clampdown
No man born with a living soul
Can be working for the clampdown
Kick over the wall 'cause government's to fall
How can you refuse it?
Let fury have the hour, anger can be power
D'you know that you can use it?

The voices in your head are calling
Stop wasting your time, there's nothing coming
Only a fool would think someone could save you
The men at the factory are old and cunning
You don't owe nothing, so boy get runnin'
It's the best years of your life they want to steal

You grow up and you calm down
You're working for the clampdown
You start wearing the blue and brown
You're working for the clampdown
So you got someone to boss around
It makes you feel big now
You drift until you brutalize
You made your first kill now

In these days of evil presidents
Working for the clampdown
But lately one or two has fully paid their due
For working for the clampdown
But ha! Getalong! Getalong!

The Clash, Clampdown

And RVI had something to say about it too:
For Joe Strummer
Hiding in the alley
hiding from the yellow cat's eye carlights
rolling by making circles around the square
Digging in the sacred dirt
Looking for the missing piece
of the broken mosaic
He's down in it now
Maybe he's found it
Maybe it's happening there
'cause it ain't happening here
21 whammy bar salute,
you bastards.
I'll be playing my old tapes tonight
I'll be burning my old tapes tonight
Because there ought to be a Valhalla
For strut and hair
And a straight on guitar ought to be
The surest key and passport
To Eternity.

RVI 2002

I've been stalling on reviewing a CD in our To Do list for a while, Goodbye
Girl Friday's "Mr. And Mrs.", partly because I'm having a hard time coming
up with a pigeonhole, genre, or even vague description, and partly because I
just don't like it. But here goes.
If you replaced the wa-wa synthesizer with a sax you'd have jazzy lounge
pop. But instead you've got a xylophone-flavored organ and several other
electronic sounds in the opening track that ooze behind the singer's flaccid
But things pick up with horns, interesting percussion, and a wider range of
vocal flavors on the subsequent tracks. The sound is definitely lite jazz
influenced, which, if you know anything about Degenerate Press staffers, is
about as high on our list of likes as long weddings and Lincoln Navigators.
But if you can stomach light, jazzy pop this might be for you. Then again,
it might not, since you probably like pleasant, *nice * lyrics. The title
track, and it's reprise at the end of the disc, are about a couple who
probably had a long wedding and drive a Navigator, sort of an ode to an
unpleasant white WASPy 50's throwback family fearing the modern world.
Personally, I prefer this theme to be covered with growling anger and
smashing racket, wrapping up with calls to burn down the 'burbs. But if you
like quiet melancholy, this is the disc for you. They have talent and some
well-constructed music, it just ain't my cup o' tea. Give me a shot of
bourbon instead.

We've narrowed things down to a few top choices for New Year's Eve:

Kingisized at The Clermont Lounge. Amy Pike opens. If we hadn't done
the Clermont for Y2K-eve, this would top the list. But if it ain't my
own party, I'd rather avoid repeats for NYE.

Rock*A*Teens, The Forty Fives, Shannon Wright at Echo Lounge. An
excellent lineup and a fine venue. R*A*T seem to play less often
these days, and The Forty Fives have energy to spare. High on the
possibility list.

The Rent Boys, Immortal Lee County Killers, The Close at the EARL.
Thus far, this has the highest probability of having what I require
in a New Year's Eve - spectacle, explosives, chaos, and drunken
(Speaking of, Immortal Lee County Killers are headed to Europe next
year so all you Eurodegenerates check out their tour calendar at )

We're getting down to the wire! Any other suggestions out there?

Degenerate JDP sent us this:
Dateline, Middle Earth.

The conflict between Mordor and Gondor was brought to an abrupt halt when
scimitar-wielding Nazgul crashed into both Minas Tirith and Minas Morgul this
morning, causing the collapse of both towers. Several important events have
come to pass in the aftermath.

Gollum, aka Smeagol, was captured by Gondor security forces and declared an
enemy combatant. He is currently being held in a secret location, awaiting
trial by the Council of Elrond. "My Precious Constitution!" he cried as he
was dragged away, bound in Elven ropes. If found guilty, he could be tossed
into the lava inside Mount Doom. Frodo Baggins, his master, was seen to give
Gollum the finger as he was taken away.

The rest of the elves departed for the west, but were stopped and boarded by
Spanish Marines who discovered several SCUD missiles hidden under bags of
Elven waybread. Captain Celeborn remarked, "Swords and bows are nice, but
these rockets increase our firepower and deterrent capability a hundred-fold."
In an embarrassing turn of events for the West, the Elves had kept their
receipt. Apparently, the missles were sold to them by the Witch Realm of
Angmar, and there were no grounds for further detaining them. "Curses, foiled
by that damned Axis of Evil again!" shouted King Theoden of Rohan when he
heard the news.

The failure of his long-distance relationship with Arwen was brought home to
Aragorn when he had to once again break the Sword of Isildur to divide up as
part of the divorce settlement.

Gandalf the White, formerly Gandalf the Grey, became spokesman for Clorox
after falling into the reservoir of bleach at the bottom of Kazad-Dum. "This
stuff really works!" he said.

Laid-off at swordpoint from his job as Kingdom Spokesperson for Rohan,
Wormtongue accepted a foreign assignment with Al-Jazeera. "Nothing can stop
me spreading the truth around now," he commented, wringing his hands.

Tom Bombadil was accidentally killed by a Predator Drone while singing in the
woods, and was unable to appear in a recent documentary about the War of the
Ring. "Hey, he looked suspicious!" said an unnamed source.

Saruman the White Wizard recently experienced a change of heart, pledging a
large amount of gold to the Sierra Club. "I have come to realize that trees
are people too," he said.

Eowyn of Rohan finally broke through the glass ceiling in here career by
slaying a Nazgul. "I am woman, hear me roar!" she said as she performed an
old Helen Reddy cover song.

Samwise and the Oliphants failed to sell more than one copy of their new CD,
"Stuck in Middle-Earth with You."

ATF agents raided The Shire, seizing over a tonne of pipeweed from the
surprised Hobbits and arresting the leaders of the Cartel. "I didn't even
know we were part of the United States," observed a member of the
Sackville-Bagginses, who wished to remain anonymous.

(c) 2002, John D. Powers

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