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We donít get a lot of email here at Degenerate Press. Even our
subscribers are too damn lazy to put fingers to keys and say ďgood jobĒ or ďMan,
that review sucked donkey dick. Get an editor, you slacker!Ē
So on the rare occasion when we get correspondence itís always a joy, particularly when it is of the ranting sort, a perfect response for our ranting sort of broadcasts. I couldnít resist sending this one out as soon as I could respond. Besides, I missed a few things for this weekend in the Prophesy section.
Hereís the foreshadowed email:
To whom it may concern,
Thanks for the VERY CRAPPY Review from our show with Mike Geier and Kingsized from August.
And Just to CORRECT you...Try getting someones name CORRECT next time! It's HAROLD "ELVIS" SCHULZ!!!
It's bad enough we KICKED BUTT and TOOK NAMES, but to Insult us like that is just plain STUPID and UNCALLED FOR!!!
And for the Record, I'm NOT an ELVIS IMPERSONATOR!! I'm a TRIBUTE ARTIST and LOOKALIKE!! YOUNG ELVIS!
We are Now under Contract with EPE and Graceland to do CORPORATE shows for them.
And if you think I have SOME of his Moves, you have NOT checked out the VIDEO Section of my website!
We get hired all over the COUNTRY to do YOUNG ELVIS ROCKABILLY shows...
What IS creepy is a guy like you, who hides behind a STUPID Ghost name so he can INSULT people!!
Good day to you sir!
Harold ELVIS Schulz
Blue Suede Entertainment
PS: I've heard from ALOT of people who saw that show that we UPSTAGED Kingsized because what we did was AUTHENTIC to a TEE!! SHow me another band who even has our instrumentation, sound and feel in COUNTRY???
Just in December I was Flown to Palm Springs, CA to do a big show for the TOYOTA CORPORATION and for New Years did a show for HARRAHS Casino in Metropolis IL....
Mr. Shulz, I apologize for the name snafu. We donít do a lot of fact-checking around here. OK, we donít do ANY.
I remembered my review of your act as being fairly biting. Harsh yet truthful reporting is something I pride myself upon. I donít pull any punches, even for my near and dear friends. I spent several years as an art student and learned how to give, and take, honest critiques without making it personal.
So I was a bit shocked when I went back and read the review that got your dander up:
Christ, Hal, if you take this as an insult, Iím not sorry.
But I am a bit sorry for you. Apparently despite all your success, the occasional middle-of-the-road review on a random web page that canít even get your name right hurts you deep down inside.
For the record, Iíll peel away my ghostly faÁade long enough to reveal my secret identity. These, and all Degenerate Press efforts not otherwise credited, are the work of Frederick Noble.
What gives me the right to shoot my mouth off? Who the hell do I think I am?
Paying the cover to see your show gives me the right. Heck, I could even go so far as to say youíre a performance artist. I was your audience for one of these performances. Even if you performed on the street corner for free and I was there, I have the right to critique what you put forth as your artistic efforts. I could even go all ďfirst amendmentĒ on you, but I donít think you need it.
And who the hell do I think I am? I donít have any formal training in music. I canít read a note of it. I donít even have any formal training in journalism (as if you couldnít tell.) But I donít think one needs to be trained to appreciate music (except jazz) and I donít think one needs to be trained to write about it. As has been shown in thousands of blogs and other web pages around the world, all you need is internet access. And if the opinion of every unpaid unprofessional weenie who has nothing better to do than make a few brief comments on your artistic endeavor is going to get your gold lamť in a wad, maybe you need to consider another line of work.
I take a small bit of pride in my site. Iíve been around longer than any other local music review web page. Iíve outlived more local print publications than I can remember. I have a few hundred loyal subscribers and, without any advertising, or even covering hip-hop, the numbers continue to grow. Iím getting SOMEthing right, even if itís just my ability to pay my monthly web hosting fees and sucker new people into thinking maybe some day Iíll write something worth reading.
So Iíve been around the block.
Show you another band that has your instrumentation? Does this band have to back an Elvis impersonator? Excuse me, ďtribute artistĒ? Because I survived (and enjoyed) the swing and rockabilly revival right here in Atlanta. Iíve seen more stand-up bass players than Iíve seen tits. Stripped down drum kit and rockabilly guitar style? Crap, I heard more of that in a single weekend of Bubbapalooza than most people my age have seen in their lifetimes. So while I may be as formally untrained as Elvis himself when it comes to music, I have heard more than my fair share.
I will fix the name problem and slap in a link to your site, but I stand by my review.
I wish you luck with your Elvis and John Travolta tribute artistry and looks mastery. May your corporate clients bless you with the praise you deserve.
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