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1/12/2006
We don’t get a lot of email here at Degenerate Press. Even our
subscribers are too damn lazy to put fingers to keys and say “good job” or “Man,
that review sucked donkey dick. Get an editor, you slacker!”
So on the rare occasion when we get correspondence it’s always a joy,
particularly when it is of the ranting sort, a perfect response for our ranting
sort of broadcasts. I couldn’t resist sending this one out as soon as I could
respond. Besides, I missed a few things for this weekend in the Prophesy
section.
Here’s the foreshadowed email:
To whom it may concern,
Thanks for the VERY CRAPPY Review from our show with Mike Geier and Kingsized
from August.
And Just to CORRECT you...Try getting someones name CORRECT next time! It's
HAROLD "ELVIS" SCHULZ!!!
It's bad enough we KICKED BUTT and TOOK NAMES, but to Insult us like that is
just plain STUPID and UNCALLED FOR!!!
And for the Record, I'm NOT an ELVIS IMPERSONATOR!! I'm a TRIBUTE ARTIST and
LOOKALIKE!! YOUNG ELVIS!
We are Now under Contract with EPE and Graceland to do CORPORATE shows for them.
And if you think I have SOME of his Moves, you have NOT checked out the VIDEO
Section of my website!
We get hired all over the COUNTRY to do YOUNG ELVIS ROCKABILLY shows...
What IS creepy is a guy like you, who hides behind a STUPID Ghost name so he can
INSULT people!!
Good day to you sir!
Harold ELVIS Schulz
Blue Suede Entertainment
www.bluesuedeent.com
PS: I've heard from ALOT of people who saw that show that we UPSTAGED Kingsized
because what we did was AUTHENTIC to a TEE!! SHow me another band who even has
our instrumentation, sound and feel in COUNTRY???
Just in December I was Flown to Palm Springs, CA to do a big show for the TOYOTA
CORPORATION and for New Years did a show for HARRAHS Casino in Metropolis IL....
Editor’s response:
Mr. Shulz, I apologize for the name snafu. We don’t do a lot of fact-checking
around here. OK, we don’t do ANY.
I remembered my review of your act as being fairly biting. Harsh yet truthful
reporting is something I pride myself upon. I don’t pull any punches, even for
my near and dear friends. I spent several years as an art student and learned
how to give, and take, honest critiques without making it personal.
So I was a bit shocked when I went back and read the review that got your dander
up:
http://www.degeneratepress.com/vault/elvis_death_day_2005/index.html
Christ, Hal, if you take this as an insult, I’m not sorry.
But I am a bit sorry for you. Apparently despite all your success, the
occasional middle-of-the-road review on a random web page that can’t even get
your name right hurts you deep down inside.
For the record, I’ll peel away my ghostly façade long enough to reveal my secret
identity. These, and all Degenerate Press efforts not otherwise credited, are
the work of Frederick Noble.
What gives me the right to shoot my mouth off? Who the hell do I think I am?
Paying the cover to see your show gives me the right. Heck, I could even go so
far as to say you’re a performance artist. I was your audience for one of these
performances. Even if you performed on the street corner for free and I was
there, I have the right to critique what you put forth as your artistic efforts.
I could even go all “first amendment” on you, but I don’t think you need it.
And who the hell do I think I am? I don’t have any formal training in music. I
can’t read a note of it. I don’t even have any formal training in journalism (as
if you couldn’t tell.) But I don’t think one needs to be trained to appreciate
music (except jazz) and I don’t think one needs to be trained to write about it.
As has been shown in thousands of blogs and other web pages around the world,
all you need is internet access. And if the opinion of every unpaid
unprofessional weenie who has nothing better to do than make a few brief
comments on your artistic endeavor is going to get your gold lamé in a wad,
maybe you need to consider another line of work.
I take a small bit of pride in my site. I’ve been around longer than any other
local music review web page. I’ve outlived more local print publications than I
can remember. I have a few hundred loyal subscribers and, without any
advertising, or even covering hip-hop, the numbers continue to grow. I’m getting
SOMEthing right, even if it’s just my ability to pay my monthly web hosting fees
and sucker new people into thinking maybe some day I’ll write something worth
reading.
So I’ve been around the block.
Show you another band that has your instrumentation? Does this band have to back
an Elvis impersonator? Excuse me, “tribute artist”? Because I survived (and
enjoyed) the swing and rockabilly revival right here in Atlanta. I’ve seen more
stand-up bass players than I’ve seen tits. Stripped down drum kit and rockabilly
guitar style? Crap, I heard more of that in a single weekend of Bubbapalooza
than most people my age have seen in their lifetimes. So while I may be as
formally untrained as Elvis himself when it comes to music, I have heard more
than my fair share.
I will fix the name problem and slap in a link to your site, but I stand by my
review.
I wish you luck with your Elvis and John Travolta tribute artistry and looks
mastery. May your corporate clients bless you with the praise you deserve.
Frederick
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