October 23, 2017

Thank you for your application.

Filed under: Atlanta music — Frederick Noble @ 1:06 pm Share RSS

“We ask this question of every applicant – tell me why we should take you on at our organization?”

“Well, I’m keen to work and your company has a great reputation. I’m interested in devoting my life to something larger than myself. But can you tell me a little about the organization? Like about compensation and benefits, for example?”

“We don’t offer any, practically speaking, but you do get the benefit of saying you’re on the team.”

“I’m sorry?”

“We offer no health insurance whatsoever. There is no safety net for anyone that hasn’t put in a lifetime of work at the company. We offer no housing assistance, though the markets in which we operate are greatly inflated. We have some free training, but only enough to shackle you to the lowest skilled, entry level positions that are completely uncompetitive in a global marketplace.  You’ll have to pay for your own training for better positions. Oh, and you should be aware that our security personnel tend to murder people of a certain… color, but we never press charges against any member of the team as that would be perceived as being weak. We can’t tolerate those who break the rules.”

“What are the rules exactly?”

“It depends on who you are. There are different rules for stockholders and upper management, of course. We can’t waste our time with rules.”

“Yeah, about that – lately, your CEO has been saying some rather alarming things, stuff that seems to contradict the company’s stated goals. What exactly does the company do these days?”

“War, mostly.”

“War? Why?!?”

“Peace doesn’t pay dividends, and our stockholders demand payouts. It has been our most profitable sector for decades.”

“I… don’t understand. Look, I’m interested in working, of course, but more importantly I want to belong to an organization that makes me feel like I’m contributing, and not just to my own bank account and future. I want to help the company thrive, sure, but only if the organization contributes to the greater good of humanity. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

“Point? The point is the profits for those at the top, of course. The individual workers all contributing their labor, their sweat, their blood if need be – and there is always a need – so that we in the boardroom can live the dream we all share. You want a life of almost unimaginable wealth and luxury, don’t you?”

“Sure, I guess, but–“

“Then sign here.”

“But you’ve already stated there is no chance for advancement. And even if I got to that level, I’d still want to contribute, not just be a parasite.”

“Then why even have an organization? It’s just a host, you see.”

“Exactly – why even have this organization? Thanks, but no, I’d rather join another company – almost any other company. It sounds as if all you can promise is scraping by just to make ends meet. Christ, the depression your workers must feel! It’s a wonder they haven’t burned the place down.”

“Oh, we keep them too distracted for that – television, sport, political theater, cultural divides, endless trinkets and toys. We’re even considering allowing certain drugs to be legal so that our workers will complain less. The more they focus inward, on themselves, the less likely they are to inspect our quarterly reports. We keep a close eye on our workers so they won’t keep a close eye on us! By the way, do you have the newest phone? It’s very shiny.”

“Sheesh.  The more you talk the less I like. I’m starting to feel a little sick.”

“Ohh, I hope not. Being sick is very expensive.”

“Very funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

“That’s it. Not only am I leaving immediately, I’m considering starting some kind of awareness campaign to expose you for the absurd, even dangerous criminals you truly are.”

“I’m afraid we can’t allow that. It might damage morale. Security!!! Please look after this applicant. I’m sorry, but we need people like you. We have a rather large percentage of the workforce in detention. It’s very profitable.”

“Get your hands off me! What’s the point of this? Don’t you want your people to advance, grow, be productive?”

“Not really. That might take resources away from board members. More importantly, we would feel less superior to the workers and that, in fact, is the only benefit the company provides.”

“Wait! I just want out!”

“Thank you for your application!”

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