POORE RICHARD’S REALLY POORE APHORISMS
Marcus Aurelius wrote ‘em, Ben Franklin wrote ‘em, Nietzsche wrote ‘em, Mark Twain wrote ‘em; hell, why shouldn’t I?
Try it, maybe you’ll like it.

Poore Richard’s Aphorisms for the Week of Our Lord, 19 February Two Thousand and Seven, which He must claim even if Dick Cheney does need a hook-up with Rush Limbaugh’s pusher.

In the end, only one thing matters.  And Halliburton bought it up 17 years ago.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

The Bush Iraqi War Strategy in far fewer words than he’ll use:  The only thing better than losing is losing spectacularly and then blaming it on your critics.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

We were attacked on Nine-Eleven,
Suspect nations – there weren’t six or seven,
Al Qaida was in Afghanistan,
We didn’t hear about them hanging in Iraq or Iran,
But the Commander in Chief looked at his clock
Then said, “Think I’ll attack Iraq.”
Now we’re up to our necks in old Iraq,
While North Korea nuclear arms has begun to stock.
In Iraq we’re fighting every religious gang
That can pick up a weapon that goes “Bang!”
The American people demanded from the Prez a different plan,
So he thought to himself, “I’m gonna attack Iran!”
I think you see how the story will go,
Problems are not faced so problems will grow.
The President fancies himself a grandmaster of chess,
But on the world stage he barely qualifies for checkers – or less.
Yet because of new “emergencies” we’ll swallow any bitter pill;
In the end, our troops may even invade the beaches of Brazil.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

No one knows your business better than you do – except someone who doesn’t know you at all.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

When destiny calls, it’s usually collect.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Divorce teaches ex-wives self-sufficiency and new job skills.  Such as pick pocketing.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Divorce teaches ex-husbands truly valuable lessons – in self-loathing and premature alienation from their children.  Learning to like beans helps, too.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Symptoms of artistic and intellectual merit in America #3:  Learning a foreign language, as in, “Would you like guacamole with those frijoles, señor?”

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Every silver lining has its cloud.  Thunderhead city.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Every day has its dog.  A big, slobbering, incontinent, smelly St. Bernard that takes up the whole damn bed and eats all your bologna.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Life has a way of revealing that all those happy childhood fantasies of the future were just the product of an insulin induced delusional disorder brought on by the illicit ingestion of sugar laden lemonade mix when someone’s mom wasn’t looking.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then you pay your taxes
And have to ride in steerage.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

Repaying your student loans: That time in life when you find out that being able to name all nine of the Muses and their respective spheres of influence isn’t going to get you that third job at Starbucks you need to buy canned ravioli this month.

                                                                                                            Poore Richard

A word from this week’s sponsor, The Republican National Convention: “Shut up, eat your macaroni and cheese, and just be happy we allow you to breathe.  If you behave, maybe we’ll allow you to have some kids who can grow up to shine our shoes. Thank you for your attention.”

Poore Richard (for the RNC)

POORE RICHARD’S REALLY POORE APHORISMS

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